


Nothing Wrong With Wanting Death

by darkpvradise



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), luke - Fandom
Genre: About death, Atheism, Depression, Fluff, LMAO, M/M, References to Depression, Smoking, and life, fake deep, really ugly blurb, references to suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkpvradise/pseuds/darkpvradise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a finite project thrust into existence against his will, Luke never asked to have a human experience. </p><p>Ashton finds out why Luke isn't so against suicide to solve this age old burden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Wrong With Wanting Death

"I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting death," Luke said, taking a drag of his cigarette. Ashton's attention was drawn to Luke once more, his eyes tracing over the taller boy's silhouette against the night. 

"Why do you say that?" Ashton stepped towards Luke timidly.

"If you think about it, we were given this life against our will. It's just the same with women pregnant from rape- they were borne with a burden they don't desire. This whole life is a struggle. Sometimes leaving is your only choice. Is it so wrong to wish or inflict ill upon ourselves because we don't feel comfortable in this world? Is it so wrong to be overwhelmed when feeling obligated to become something we don't wish to? Living is proven to be too much. I don't think dying is such an unreasonable solution."

Luke finished his cigarette quickly, putting it out on the balcony and breathing the smoke out slowly. Ashton wanted to cringe at how easily Luke could inhale the toxins, but for some reason, he was simply intrigued. 

"I guess you have a valid point," he said after a moment. "But life isn't meant to be a burden. It's a blessing. God put humans on this earth to live under his name."

Luke laughed and flicked his cigarette over the edge.

"God."

Ashton frowned and leant against the balcony. "Excuse me?"

"If this god of yours loves us so much, why does he knowingly give us life when we will be miserable? He is a god of all knowledge, correct? Surely he'd be aware of the self hatred so many would go through."

This boy was so fucking stubborn. 

"Yes, but he's always there for you. He'd certainly know of your struggles, but he'd also plan the great things ahead of you in life."

Luke scoffed. "If the great things were so great, wouldn't he want them to come before someone decided to take their life? His plan is to keep us alive to worship him, mind you. I don't think he'd hesitate to bless someone right before they were willing to commit suicide." Luke wagged a finger at Ashton, raising his eyebrows in mock. 

Ashton glared at him and Luke just took another cigarette out of his pack with a smug look on his face. 

"So what you're saying is that there is no god, no point in living, and no downside to killing yourself at anytime. Aren't you just a fucking ray of sunshine," Ashton spat. 

Before, Ashton had swore Luke had a black soul and no feelings for others, but something behind those blue eyes cracked and Luke began to blink back tears as he struggled to light his cigarette with shaky hands. 

"What I'm saying is, don't be too surprised if you find me dead in the bathroom sometime this week," Luke said quietly, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. He finally lit his cigarette and took it from his mouth, looking out into the dark. 

Ashton's mouth fell agape in shock. "W-what? Oh Luke, I didn't know..."

"That's just it," Luke laughed, shaking his head. "No one knows. No one cares. I want to die."

"Now that I know, I care." Ashton said firmly, trying not to cry himself. "You're forgetting I've been disagreeing with you this whole time."

Luke flicked his cigarette and sighed. "Your disagreement makes no difference to the fact that I'm right." His demeanor had gone back to his cold hearted self and Ashton longed for the warmth of the real Luke he'd seen for a moment before. 

"Hey Luke?" Ashton said sweetly, placing a hand on top of the younger boy's. 

Luke icily glared at Ashton's hand but then looked up into his hazel eyes and his gaze grew softer. 

"You're a thick-headed sarcastic bastard, you know that?" Ashton grinned, pushing his fingers in between Luke's and interlocking them. 

"Thanks, its one of my best traits. Be sure to mention it at my funeral," Luke scoffed, his eyes flicking between Ashton's gaze and his pink lips just inches away. 

"There will be no funeral for you, mister." Ashton scolded him, leaning closer so their noses were brushing. "You're staying alive for a little longer."

"Note to self- move death date on calendar to March 11th instead." Luke brought his burning-out cigarette to his lips and finished it, breathing the smoke into Ashton's face. 

Normally Ashton would cringe and pull away, but instead he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes in content. It was almost as if he was breathing in a part of Luke himself, and no matter how dark of a being he was, he was still Luke. 

"Did you know I love you?" Ashton whispered, nudging his nose against Luke's. His heart was beating too fast and his lungs were gasping for clean air but he stayed in his position against Luke, savoring Luke's husky tobacco breath. 

"Not surprised," Luke mumbled, coming so close their lips were brushing against one another's. "I'm just irresistible, aren't I..."

Luke's last words were mumbled into Ashton's mouth as he was pulled into a deep kiss, all fast breaths and running hands though blonde hair. Ashton kissed him as if he could kiss all the death and hatred out of Luke; he kissed him like he could maybealmostpossibly save Luke's life with simply the feeling of his lips. 

When Luke pulled away he was panting and his eyes were screwed shut, scared if he opened them he'd remember who he was and let that amazing feeling drift away in the cold march air. 

"You're absolutely beautiful, you know," Ashton cooed, brushing a thumb over Luke's cheek. "No matter how jaded and cheeky you are."

Luke opened his eyes slowly but to his surprise, the esctacy of AshtonAshtonAshton ceased to leave him. He stared into those bright hazel eyes and felt himself shiver at how much he longed to get lost in them. 

"Thank you," Luke breathed. He squeezed Ashton's hand and actually, sincerely, smiled. 

Ashton felt like he had just rescued a homeless kitten struggling in the cold.

"Can we go inside now? Maybe watch mean girls, forget about how much I want to kill myself?" Luke asked, tucking his pack of cigarettes into the pocket of his flannel. 

Ashton winced. He had to get used to how open Luke was on the topic of death and tragedy. 

He agreed and hopped off the balcony ledge that he'd somehow gotten up onto during their make out session and took Luke's small hand in his. "Let's do that."

Luke smiled again and Ashton silently thanked his (disproven) god for the fallen angel that walked this earth by the name of Luke Hemmings.


End file.
